Music of my wayward youth: AKA What About Prom Blaine?!

There is this radio station on the XM satellite that plays "First Wave" music, which is essentially the stuff we listened to if we were slightly "alternative" back in the 80s.  I didn't LOOK it, but I so felt it.  I was listening to a song that they were playing this morning and it made me think of the soundtrack of that time period. 
Back then, I was prone to heart wrenching crushes on people that I would never tell them about.  I wrote poems and secretly sent them to the crushes and was really kind of shy.  I stayed that way for so long and I think it's kind of funny now, but there were guys who probably had crushes on me and why didn't they ever approach?  I don't know but it was kind of lonely.

I was in drama, and French club, and never had money to do fun things even though I had a serious job, too.  School was way too easy, and yet, I still made Cs sometimes because I didn't bother doing the work.  I loved being in band but it didn't exactly make me the coolest kid, and I never got invited to the fun parties for some reason (I so would have gone, by the way).

I think I identified most with the Molly Ringwald character in Pretty in Pink, and yet I would have dated Duckie instead of the rich guy. 

Songs by Psychedelic Furs, http://youtu.be/S2R3FJyT1rc or Simple Minds, http://youtu.be/CdqoNKCCt7A   (there's a reason this is my phone ring tone) or the Cult http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I8mWG6HlmU  throw me right into a nostalgic tailspin.  Sigh.  It makes me want to write bad Emo poetry right. this. second. 

Also, Charlie Sexton.  Oy, oy oy!!  http://youtu.be/uCRtHVEroQ0   I'm all verklempt.  And for some reason, speaking Yiddish. 

But the point here is that for some reason, this tone, this sound, these bands and songs are how I hear my high school years, my young adulthood.  Yes, somewhere in there is Bon Jovi & Duran Duran and even Janet Jackson (one of the first albums I ever listened to nonstop was her Control album.)   Also, Prince plays very heavily on rotation, but somehow in a different way. 

Anyway.  I kind of feel like putting on some Esprit clothes and wandering around a mall listening to my Walkman playing cassettes now.  Or maybe just remembering a time when that's what we did.

The Siren Gets a Haircut

Really. She couldn’t explain
why
it was such a relief
to spend fewer hours
combing through those
salty green tresses
with starfish combs
and pinning
it up with mother of pearl pins.

This short
sassy
bob with bangs
made her head feel
     light.

She seemed to think more
     clearly.

Like, for example:
why waste so much time
singing sailors
into the rocks?

Maybe, instead, she could
      read a book
      write some poetry
      take a lover
who didn’t
drown immediately.

Learn something

      about the sky,

for once.

Already she could hear
   the strains of
      Revolution in the air.

Kaw.... May 2011

A Royal Fuss: Why I Loved the Wedding Hoopla Today

This morning, because of one glass too many of wine whilst watching silly TV, and my tendency towards insomnia, I woke, in spite of my deciding to blow it off and DVR it, at 3:30 am. I thought "Maybe I'll watch the Royal Wedding Live after all."  I loved it.  Teared up a couple of times.  Ended up feeling glad that I spent the time & effort to watch.

You might ask:  Why?  You're not even close to British, why do you care about these spoiled heirs, their wedding, the pomp, the taxpayers of England's bill?  Why did you spend four hours watching something when they don't even know you exist?  And also?  The princess motif is harmful to most women.  We can't be princesses, and we sell ourselves short if we decide to be "just." 

I am very tired now as a result, because, moms don't get the day off.  Field day, and juggling business needs, and grocery shopping, and gas filling up, all still happened in spite of watching princesses and princes wed in a lavish but somehow intimate ceremony in a place that I have happily walked. (Westminster Abbey was one of my favorite historic sites in London, and I even recognized on the TV one of the deacons or priests or vicars or whatever he actually was... he pointed me to Aphra Behn's grave, actually, which is in the courtyard there. He seemed a bit surprised and also pleased that I was looking for it, way back a few years ago, and I totally recognized him today bustling about.) 

I think my tiredness right now was ultimately worth it.  Why?  For one: I am an English major.  We are steeped like a hot tea bag full of black tea in a pot filled with literature, history, culture, and such.  Chaucer.  Shakespeare.  Virginia Woolf.  Aphra Behn. Oscar Wilde. J.M. Barrie. Arthur Conan Doyle.  Guy Ritchie. Terry Gilliam.

Much of it is British. I am ultimately an Americanist, a Modernist, someone who is filled with appreciation for popular culture, art, and all that makes us the Yanks we are.  But I do love my education.  I am glad to have the history that ties us to that tiny island.  And actually, from my Irish heritage on my father's side, I am about four generations back a British subject.

For two:  it's a wedding.  I like ALL weddings.  I teared up when Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro got married.   I like weddings!!  It is simply super cool and not at all ironic to celebrate love.  Commitment.  Faithfulness.  Hope.  It doesn't ultimately matter if they don't work out perfectly, because who does?  What matters, for a moment, is that weddings renew our own memory of our own special ties, of our own hearts filled with that optimistic leap into the future.

During the ceremony, the main preacher in charge mentioned that,  ALL weddings are royal weddings.  We are all partly touched by that hand of grace, of beauty, of joy.  Even if we step into a Justice of the Peace wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt bought at goodwill, we are participating in a gesture of hope and an abundantly optimistic view of the world wrought of the future.  Whatever happens, for a moment, we are Golden and even Pure.  It doesn't matter if we are not pure or golden in real life.  If we don't spend a lot of cash on the party.  If we aren't actually retiring to a castle where the servants are all small British teapots and talking Gallic candlesticks.

I have seen a lot of cynicism about the wedding.  Hell, I didn't watch on purpose any of the ridiculous media build up in the weeks before (I will admit it was on the TV at the gym, and so I have seen, if not heard because my earbuds were tuned to Charmed, during commercial breaks, a few segments on fashion and hats and the history of the Royal Couple's courtship.) 

I just have to say:  don't be a cynic.  Don't be disillusioned with the way people seem to be enthralled with this event.  If you don't want to watch, that is totally fine. You don't have to love it like I did. It was a damn long ceremony.  And frankly, the British taxpayers I saw didn't seem any more annoyed with footing the bill for the security (the family paid for all the other stuff, by the way) than WE do for an Inauguration ball and security, or a special airplane for every member of the Presidential family.  It's part of the deal. 

The danger of the internet Snark Fest is that you may actually, in trying to be "above it all" and away from the mass of public crowd-i-ness, actually miss the reason some of us are watching because I try to say nice things as often as possible.  So here is my nice thing:

Ultimately we really are all Princes and Princesses of our own little domains.  Even if we grew up in a trailer park or two (as I did) we have a moment where we are a princess.  I had my day of bride-zilla ness.  I don't think I was that bad, and my dress was bought at a consignment shop and my sister and Grandma catered my wedding.

And yes, my little princess won't wear a real diamond tiara, (she's more likely to own combat boots) and she won't preside over state dinners, (but she will grow up knowing which fork to use and basic rules of etiquette) she will go to college and learn about the world.  And maybe she'll stay home and raise her kids in an old fashioned way, or maybe she'll work and have a stay at home dad. 

And, like the two folks who got married today, I hope she will try her best to make the world a better place. 

And my little Prince will respect his wife (and all people).  He will not be too caught up in himself to notice that other people don't have it as easy as he did.  And he will be kind, and listen to those who love him, and he will try to learn from the mistakes of others. 

And I hope my Prince will try to make the world a better place, too.


Prince William has spent a night on the streets of London as a homeless person.  I haven't.  He didn't have to.  He has gone to Kenya and done environmental "missions" that are not the "pampered elite".  He lost his flawed but beloved mum when he was 15, in an incredibly public way, and as a result, has seemed to learn to take it slow and steady himself.  Harry has escorted a wounded soldier back from Afghanistan in a pointless war that hasn't ended.  He might be kind of a doofus, but he seems like that guy you knew in high school who screwed stuff up and partied a bit too much but ultimately was someone you could call if you had a flat tire on a rainy day.   Catherine seems committed to being a good person, and she is not a blushing virginal bride sucked into the abyss of breeder-hood and naive lies.  I actually don't know that much about her, to be honest, but the fact that the couple lived together, that her mom seems to be a pretty damned tough cookie who took her family from coal miner to Royalty in three generations is pretty fucking impressive. 

I don't know what they will do with their power, but in the prayer that they wrote, they seem committed to being good public servants.  I hope they will live up to what they asked today.

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.
Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

There is a good lesson to be learned in that prayer.  Whether you are British or not, whether you are an anti-establishment type or not.  Whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Atheist.  We should all strive to: Serve.  Love.  Focus on what is real.  Share Joy and Love.  Appreciate your family.  Be generous.  Comfort others. 

In that light, why would I NOT want to watch a day of parties and joy, whether I am British, Martian, or what?

Republican-ism

I have written a similar blog, long long ago (it usually comes in election years) about this but couldn't find it today to link to, so I'll just do it again. 

I am a Third Wave Feminist, a "Born Again Pagan," a radical wild dandelion tribe woman, a dancer & writer and many many other things.  One of those things includes being a (pause for effect) Republican.

Right now, the elected government has been being a pain in the butt.  The threatened government shutdown that luckily is not going to happen because they pushed a last-minute budget through (see what they can do when properly motivated?) has been stirring the pot.  But honestly....the reason why they finally compromised is because BOTH sides of the party aisle were being doody heads who wouldn't compromise on issues on which this country is going to have to learn to compromise.  Our budget is not healthy, and we collectively need to figure out a way to make it work.  I am not a financial genius, but there are plenty of them out there and we need to figure this crap out, and not make a ridiculous grandstand issue that makes us look like a bunch of fighting children.

But more to the point.  I have been a Republican since I registered to vote for the 1988 presidential election, a newly minted 18 year old voter.  Let me tell you, even then I didn't vote "party line"  and the candidate for president that I voted for didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of winning.  I voted for him anyway.

I didn't really know the difference back then (thanks a lot required Civics and American Government course that didn't really teach me anything.)  But the definition of Republican as "the party that governs LEAST" was appealing to me.  I don't think the government should be all up in anyone's business.  Especially personal, private business.  I also don't think the government should lean towards a social platform that aims to "fix" every social ailment by throwing (our, voters) money at it. 

I am crazy progressive on where to throw that money though.  Kids in this country should not go hungry.  They should get medical care.  They should be able to go to school, a good school, where teachers are well paid and respected.  If anyone in this country, whether they are a drug addict or model citizen, gets sick, they should be cared for by our medical industry without penalty, and at rates that are really affordable, and don't put them into debt forever.  I don't believe in handing out money willy nilly to adults who refuse to work, who spend that money on "welfare Cadillacs", either.  I am a "teach a man to fish" kind of person. 

I am pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-rehabilitation of criminals.  Majorly Pro Peace, anti-Imperialism. Pro-kick butt when necessary.  Pro Love, pro-John Lennon.  Pro-marriage of ALL kinds.  Pro-yoga, pro-attachment parenting, pro-healthy environment, pro-alternative energy research.  Pro-capitalism, making the free market direct research and progress. 

Now, to quibble a bit: I'm not entirely sure about the death penalty, though I know if someone killed, deliberately, someone I  love, that pro-gun part of me would want to take that someone out.  I said above I am pro-choice, but I have to admit that I am not especially fond of abortions.  I would like that option to be there, safe and legal, and don't think you should have a vote if you don't have a womb.  But I would like it to be a last ditch one for desperate moments... we should focus our energies on preventative measures, and also, on CHOOSING adoption and spend more money at making sure the children in our foster care system are truly cared for, and not just a paycheck for someone who isn't really caring for them.

Now.... all those things said.  I do not like the direction some Republicans go.  I will, given the option, fire their asses.  The super conservative neo-religious right part of the Republican party is not my friend, and I refuse to let them take over.  One of the reasons why that is the case is the reason why I am writing this post.

Republican bashing.  Hate against an entire group of people for the narrow-minded, negative actions of the loudest, most annoyingly squeaky wheels.  There is a reason why "the tea party" is trying to establish its own party, because it is NOT the Republican party.  It's a lot of whack jobs who make a lot of good soundbites on TV and so get reported.  A lot.  But they do not represent ME.  It is not synonymous with my party.

And people who I genuinely like, in trying to fight for rights and fight wrongs, who consider themselves liberal Democrats, but like to call Republicans nasty names.....seriously.... cut it out.

This is wrong, and it hurts my feelings, and I would like to point out the hypocrisy of a group that says they are open minded humanitarians who are bashing and hating on a lot of people THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW.  Replace the phrase "I hate Republicans" with any racial group or women or religious or ethnic group and you can see what you're doing.

I also want you all to know that there IS a voice in the Republican party for intelligent, liberal, thinking.  This is why, after all these years, I stay registered this way, even though for the last three presidential elections I have voted for  a third party candidate because I am SO ANGRY at the two main parties for being more of the same old same old, and offering me kool-aid laced with poison at every turn.

I just hate to see others drinking that poison without questioning their own built in biases.

I do NOT agree with the more ignorant jerkface Republicans who want to set women's rights back, and who want to criminalize miscarriage, and turn women into a walking womb/incubator with no choices.  An that is one reason why I stay registered.  To vote that kind of ignoramus OUT. 

I'm venting, because I want you to know.  Glenn Beck and the hate rhetoric of narrow minded idiots are not MY Republican party, but what party is it that contains those who are calling me nasty names simply because I stay here and try to keep fighting the good fight to bring my party back to the PARTY THAT GETS IN YOUR BUSINESS THE LEAST?  I do not think it's the government's right to tell me what to do on a daily basis, even if it's for my own good. 

Truly open your  minds, those of you who have called Republicans "Repugnicans" or "mean old white men" or "the rich who don't care anything for anyone but themselves."  Please.  And when you want to hate on people, be specific.  I don't mind you hating on the idiots, but try to not lump me in with them.  Hateful bigotry is hate, period. 

If the things you are saying are not actually making the world a better place, if they are making someone sick to their stomach every time they see your posts, then what are you doing in the world? 

Reflections

Last year at this time, I was about to turn forty.  It's kind of felt that forty should be a "big year" but for me, it was kind of a hard one.  On my birthday, we spent a whole weekend at funeral events for one of Andrew's relatives-- a man I liked, and was sorry to see go, but three days on my birthday weekend felt a bit much.  It was rainy, wet, and cold in the Hill Country cemetery.  I spent a whole lot of time sitting in the car with the kiddos.  Not really all that much fun.

I was working at a job that felt increasingly like the wrong place for me to be.  My mother was still alive, but it would be very soon that I would lose her.  A few minor illnesses for me, as well, filled some of the year.  Those are under control, but it took a lot out of me during. 

Good things happened, too.  I finally gave up on the idea that somehow I could somehow change people who just didn't like me or respect me.  (I saw one of these people the other day out in town and felt so happy that I didn't have to do the obligatory greeting...just ignored said person and moved on with my day).  I quit feeling guilty about some of the professional things I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anymore.  I worked a bit on my novel-- got some great ideas which, hopefully, I will have time to work into it very very soon.  I've found a real and true love for fixing up/restoring the historic homes we've been buying, and made an almost 100 year old home that was falling into a sad state back into a true jewel, that we will offer as someone's dream home very soon. Found a real talent, there, which I enjoy.  My kids have grown and changed and I love them more every day; it doesn't seem possible but it is true.  Hubby and I have found more time to spend just "us" now that the kids are a little less work and that's been truly a blessing, also.

I have wishes and resolutions for the year ahead.  I need to spend more "Me" time-- go to the gym, lose the weight that is unhealthy, get strong and fit again.  Forty One years of life on the planet is only a trickle of what I want to have ahead of me, and I am going to consider this a bit of a "do-over" year.  I want less sorrow, please, and more joy ahead.  That is my biggest wish for the year.  So next year (and it may be that I don't write a formal blog until then with the way this thing has gone lately!) I want to have a year filled with my own choices.  We will see what time & tide do to that wish.