Silence

So I haven't blogged much in forever, I know. I can say I've been busy, and that is ridiculously true.  But also, part of it is that I have yet to post here my mother's obituary.  I wrote it.  I meant to send it to some newspapers where she was born (Elgin, Illinois) since that's the only place there are people who might not already know.  But in spite of writing some poems about it, I just haven't been able to post that here.

Is it because it makes it more final, more formal?  Maybe.  But mostly, I'm not not in a blogging about me sort of mood right now.  And that's okay.  I'm sure I'll be back eventually-- I've done this too long to really drop it forever.  And it's an addiction that doesn't fade easily. 

So for now, follow me on Facebook where I can handle short updates and here if you don't mind some pauses now & then.

Is STILL Not Too Sensitive!!

Last winter, teaching the freshman seminar class I did, we worked a bit on the Meyer's Briggs personality spectrum.  I am, and have always been, an INFP.  When I was looking for info for the little slide show I did with it, I found this cool graphic. I've even written about it before, apparently, cause when I went to look for the graphic, I found a post about this, by me.  Duh!  :) 

It makes me laugh because I AM totally too sensitive.  I take things way personally.  It's not that I think the world revolves around me, not by any means, but I overanalyze EVERYthing.  I think "what did that guy mean, when he cut me off" or "what did she say about redheads" or whatever.  Everything has to be the universe attempting to smash my feelings. 

I know this is self-centered.  I think it's just the way I'm wired, to expect to be hurt by things that other people say "dude, get over it; it's nothing personal."  And the intellectual part of me knows this, but the emotional little girl in the picture does not believe the intellect.

So anyway.  I will go now and get some lunch and perhaps a new book and NOT obsess over slights that may or may not be directed towards me.  I am NOT too sensitive. 

Or maybe just a little.

Howling At The Moon

Yes. Another blog about blogging. This one with more bleayatching power & new management!

When I was in grad school, I took some Education courses thinking I would hedge my bets & possibly teach in high school. (Still hedging that bet-- but that's another story another time). A fellow student & I talked about the tendency in Ed classes to talk about oneself ad nauseum. She called it "howling at the moon". It doesn't really happen so much in English grad classes-- I doubt it does in, say, Engineering or Accounting, either. It reminds me of those commercials for the Bing search engine where people are repeating random unrelated trivia without communicating-- it's kind of talking without hearing and can be a little on the insane side, I think.

I think blogging tends to reinforce a kind of howling at the moon mentality. And this is by no means a ploy to get people to comment on here, so don't feel obligated to do so. I hardly ever comment on the blogs I regularly read anymore... if I can't click a Facebook "thumbs up" and move on it just is too much time commitment. ;)

But if you're writing about stuff without feedback, I think you tend to talk talk talk & I've always been the one who exceeded the page limit on papers. I'm not immune to writing way too much about too little and blathering on about myself for hours & hours. Navel gazing.

I use metaphor & example a lot in teaching too, but I see on other faculty's "ratemyprofessors" that some students really hate it. What we think of as a teaching tool "see, I write too.. I have this problem in my writing too and I'm more experienced in writing than you are so don't feel bad" becomes something students think is unrelated to them and boring. So far, I haven't gotten the "always talks about herself" complaint from any of my students, but it may just be that I'm still young enough to be interesting still to them, and that will change in time. So it's important, when we write about ourselves all the time, to not be too much into the "me me me" moments.

I write this blog mostly for myself, and for my mother & Andrew's mom to see news about the kiddos. Sometimes I use it as a dumping ground for poems I've been working on, themes that are circulating in my head. I don't really blog about politics or current events much. It is about me. It's a journal, of sorts. But it's not ALL of me. It's not the only thing going on in my life, it's also not very deep. It's also not going to be something super duper important. If I just had an earth-shattering moment, there might be a vague poem about it but doubtfully a real explanation. So if I seem shallow on here, or "howling at the moon" it's because I'm not good at nature blogging like some blogs I love, or funny like others. I don't like to post my "real" writing, when I do it, here, because I have a fear of someone stealing everything (not that I think I'm that good, but neither are some of the other blogs I've seen plagiarized.)

What I suggest if it seems like I'm howling loudly about myself is twofold:

Join my conversation & comment (ah, I lied. Apparently this is a plug for comments. Damn.) OR howl at your own moon & direct me there. I'll read it... I may join in and howl a little bit, too. But mostly it's just a thought I'm working out. I could make this all private and anonymous but then I'm talking to myself even worse, and I might get twitchy and weird(er).

Professorial Doors

Long ago and far away when I began my own career as a student, with my long curly hippy hair & my lace sweater as prized items of my identity, I remember checking out the doors of professors in my college. There was the younger male prof, the specialist in Great Classics like The Iliad and The Odyssey who had a Far Side cartoon in which someone taunted him about getting his "Silverback" status (read, in Ivory Tower-ness as Asst Prof turns Full Prof, most likely). Other profs have had inspirational messages; one had a very very long diagrammed sentence from Faulkner on her door. A linguistics prof who tried hard to start slang words (she wanted Pepto as a phrase-- as in "That's so Pepto"-- i.e., nauseating. I don't think it caught on.) It has always seemed to me that the interesting profs have stuff on their door.

My door, then, has to have stuff on it. I have a couple of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons that say magical things to me. A cool picture with Spacebabe of the Tiptree awards that also lists my office hours. Myself as a South Park character. Me & a friend in our Halloween teaching outfits. A Dorothy Parker poem. An ee cummings poem. A picture of a little boy raising his arms, with a Superman cape on, that really looks like (but isn't) Sean. A Hello Kitty dressed as Dorothy sticker. My Black Lit Read-In poster. Stuff that defines something about me.

I've walked past and seen students perusing my door. Yesterday, a fellow professor commented on several items as though this were the first time he'd seen them (which is possible, and not a big deal-- he doesn't have an office near me so must have been visiting someone nearby).

What does your office door say about you when you're not there? I hope mine says: funny, irreverent, serious about poetry & feminism, not afraid to be herself, admires originality & creativity, needs coffee, Dreams Big. Likes Pop Culture. Possibly a witch. Definitely here on MWF from 10-11. Which means I get to leave in t-minus 2 minutes. Hoo rah! The weekend.

Stuff & Nonsense

When babies get up, mama gets up. 5:30, and Sean is up. Poor little monkey has a boo boo and it's keeping him awake. Maia is still snoring away, sprawled in reckless trust on the bed. Andrew is getting ready for work & I'm half ready.

It's been such an odd semester so far. My new hair, and tendency to wear makeup every day instead of randomly has apparently attracted a lot of attention. I guess last Spring, when I wasn't feeling wonderful, I wasn't taking as much interest in my appearance as I am used to doing when I work. I mean, I don't wear makeup all the time; I don't really think I need to. But usually, when I work, I go the extra 30 minutes. And I'm getting all kinds of compliments. It may have to do with the 10 or so pounds I lost over the summer from the flu, also. Anyway. It's kind of fun. I had mostly resigned myself to not being the "Hot Mom" since I was older as a mom, but I've gotten compliments from random men here and there and it's kind of fun, as long as the compliments are harmless.

So then. Lots of things to think about and do. Not everything is blog-worthy nowadays, though. I guess I'm falling out of the habit a bit. I can see by the sparse commenters that folks are out of the habit of checking in, too. That's okay-- and I'm not fishing for comments. I know some people will pop in here and there and that's fine.

Did I mention that

It is Pizza Night around here? Mmmmmm. And I am currently starving since I did not eat any lunch. I wanted to go to campus & copy stuff and clean my office and I ended up chatting with a co-worker for a while and I just never got around to eating. Argh! I'm starving starving starving. :)

I'm thinking Pizza night is officially going to be EARLY tonight.

Pizza. Drools.

Selling Out

Okay. I have to say that if I were someone anyone would offer, say, a million bucks to for a commercial or something, I would so do it. Sellout? Hell yeah.

On that note, I am going to complain about a sellout I just heard. On a JC Penny "Fall clothes for teens" commercial, they had a track of Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me." That song has long been my "theme" song, kind of. I love it, and have always had great memories of it.

And now it's a JC Penny theme song. Sigh. JC Penny. If it were the Gap, or some other cool shop, I would feel better.

See. I'm a totally hypocritical contradiction. Enigma, wrapped in a riddle.

Hopeful

We have NEW neighbors! Since our old ones were nice but very standoffish, we're very hopeful that perhaps these new ones will hang out with us a bit more. One thing that might help is that they don't actually have kids. I know, I know, that sounds contradictory. But I've found that couples without kids (call them child free rather than childless-- it's the new way to say it without the stigma of "less." which I never felt in the past anyway but I did catch flack once from a stranger about it-- still, I say who the heck has to define themselves by their procreative ability nowadays? Well. Other than Brangelina--but I digress) are much more willing to pop in for dinner & drinks, or whatever, than their child having peers. It's just about 200% more difficult, I think, when you either have to get a babysitter or drag the whole fam along. I remember fondly our child free days, staying out til 2 am, going to like three of the first episodes of the new Star Wars in one day (in a tired haze, yes, but still). Nowadays, if I'm up at 2 it's either because one of the babies is crabby or something similar.

Anyway. This week is going to be crazy for me cause the Hubby is out of town til Friday. It's possible (but not probable) that he can come back on Wednesday, but no matter what, he'll be gone for a bit. When he told Maia yesterday that he was leaving for a while, she pouted prettily. Then, prompted by me (yes, I'm awful) she lit up and said "A Present?!" Ah hah! Princesses need presents when daddy comes home from a business trip. That's the rule. Mommy doesn't need squat (other than, perhaps, the occasional visit from a housekeeper to do the more Cinderella-ish things in the house). But the Princess Papaya gets some kind of sparkly present this time. Or else. :)

Now, off to finish my Voodoo issue of my magazine, which, by the way, is going to be awesome. My guest co-editor & I are even thinking about pitching this one to a real book publisher. We'll see what happens. :)

chatty

I've experimented with Yahoo IM before in the past and been annoyed with it. However, I'm going to give it a shot again. I changed my name from the old anonymous one I never used to a new one that is the "real me." So. I'm making it public again.

My Yahoo chat name is daydreamsdandelions if you ever wanna IM me. :) I don't know how often I'll be on there, but just in case. I just spent ten minutes setting up my new "real me" avatar, anyway. I was amazed at how many new choices there are for clothes! Anyway. Me and my obsession with little virtual dolls.