His Eyes

One of the things I remember most about the early days of my marriage to Andrew was how he would look at me with his intensely blue eyes, wide, serious.  Like he was memorizing me, and wanted to get it right.  There are more permanent crinkles around the corners of those eyes now, and his eyebrows get so bushy sometimes I have to trim them or he ends up looking like Lloyd Briges in Airplane!.  The photo is us, about five years ago, New Year's eve, and his eyes are the violet-y color of a man who has had a lot to drink.  ;)

I've seen those eyes pensive and scanning the wreckage of The USS Arizona in Hawaii, squinting in the almost too bright to stand sunlight of Alaska near the glacier.  I've seen them smiling at me as we kissed under that kissing bridge in Paris.  When we were having the kiddos and I was wide-open cesearean while he looked on, I could tell he was sort of woozy because his eyes were waaaay bluer than normal in his pale, about-to-pass out face. 

His eyes have always been a barometer to the things he doesn't say.

When we met, and he was a student aviator in Pensacola, he wore the ugly wire-rimmed aviator glasses he wears now.  I liked him because he was a little nerdy and didn't care about those uncool glasses, glasses they used to call "Birth control" glasses.  Weirdly enough, his and my eye prescription are almost exactly the same, and in the last few years, his eyes have not tolerated contacts, so I've mostly seen those ugly glasses.  He hasn't been vain enough to care to buy more stylish ones and I haven't really minded but...

However.  This week (tomorrow) we are going to Texas, where he will get LASIK to fix those pretty blue eyes so that he will see as well as I do now. (He has to have it done by a military doctor or lose his flight status). It will be a long week, and I worry way more about him getting the procedure than I worried about myself. 

But it will be nice to see those deeply blue eyes without anything in the way again.  Waking up in the morning, crinkles at the edges, eyes that speak to me of memory today and tomorrow and today again.   

Dreams

When I woke up this morning, I knew I had a dream that was really quite complex & interesting about my career. I can't really remember details anymore (I hate that when it's been a good one) but I know that subconsciously, I've begun to plan things for a future that I hadn't really thought about.

Let me 'splain/sum up. When we moved here, I figured I'd work at a local university, maybe get myself hired eventually, because Andrew is here at least 5 years. It could be longer if we have ties here... which we don't really have super big ones at this point. But me getting a good job would have been a tie. Kids going to school here (which they will be doing by the time Andrew's committment is up, but only barely) is a smaller tie.

I have applied for three jobs in the region. One at the Uni where I work as an adjunct, one at a Uni about an hour away, and one as an admin at local Uni where I work. I didn't get any of them. The professor position at the school where I work was the most difficult. I really wanted it, figured I had a good shot, and was super crazy disappointed when I didn't get it. But I grew up, got over it, and realized that based on who they did hire, I actually wasn't as qualified as I had thought I was. (I don't do exactly what she does.) The one at the Uni about an hour away was disappointing because a bunch of random things seemed to point to me working there and it seemed like it would be cool. I had no real evidence other than one student who didn't like going there (it's kind of rural). But they didn't even get back with me (wankers) at all, even with rejection letter. The admin job was number three and I don't know if it was cause I was getting used to it or what but I was disappointed but in a far less painful way. Partly because I really do love teaching and wasn't positive admin was the life for me, partly because they were super professional in handling the whole thing and I heard the "no" as soon as was possible without weeks of agonizing waiting.

So anyway-- that's a very long narrative to say this: I am glad I didn't get any of those. Not in a bitter sour grapes way. It turns out, the last week in Texas reminded Andrew & I that we really, really want to go back there. We miss it terribly, and that is where our hearts are. So getting a permanent "real" job here would have tied me to this area far more than we are, and I wouldn't have felt right about being hired on and then leaving in just a couple of years. So now, we are clear for take off, and hopeful for a future where people regularly call each other "miha" and "miho" and know the difference between pico de gallo & chunky salsa.

And my dreams are of there, and they are happy ones.

Happy New Year

I snuck away for a minute while babies are engrossed in Grandma's player piano & a video and daddy is installing a new light fixture in the currently almost done being remodeled guest bedroom. :) Hah ha! I don't have long though.

I hope you and yours have a happy new year. For those of you coming to the PJ party tonight (it starts at 6 by the way. And PJs are optional-- you can wear other clothes, not optional like no clothes) we'll see you later. :)

XO
Kim

On the Road Again

We're about to leave for a week in Texas. We'll see family & friends that are almost family. We're going to the zoo tomorrow (most likely tomorrow is the best day). The kiddos are very excited about that.

We'll have Internet access while there, (we're staying at the Mother-in-law's place) but I don't know what all I'll be up to writing. Anyways. Have a happy New Year (if I don't blog before then!)

My Break

After this crazy-busy semester, I keep feeling like I should be doing something. Surely there are papers I should be grading, somewhere. Just doing nothing on the weekend, minus the guilt, is weird. It's kind of a similar feeling to the years of "should I be writing on my dissertation?" that I'm also still not completely over. (Mostly over it. It just changed to "shouldn't I be revising my dissertation into a scholarly book?")

Anyway. We're not leaving for Texas until Monday, so we have a weekend at home with kiddos. Watching El Perro y el Gato on HBO. The kiddos LOVE it. I don't know if they're learning anything, but it certainly will help them understand Spanglish better, if not actual Spanish. I love how they show Texas. Anyone who hasn't been there surely thinks it's all desert & cowboy shops. (It's NOT.)