Utilize Caution: Annoyed English Major Ahead

I hate, hate, HATE (note the repetition for emphasis) the word utilize in most contexts.

People USE it all the time as a jargon-y, pretentious, fancy-pants sounding substitute for the simple word use. In fact, it is not a substitute for use. It does not make your writing sound more efficient, technological, or intelligent. You're actually probably using it wrong.

To utilize something is to USE it (to make it usable), usually in a manner for which it was not originally created. For example, if you take the old iMacs and turn them into a fish tank, you are utilizing the iMac in an interesting and clever way. If you pick up a chair and hit someone who just wrote utilize in a paper instead of use, well, then you are utilizing that chair as a weapon to express your frustration at the phrase popping up all over the place.

I'm not usually a stickler enforcer of "correctness". I am all for changes in grammar & style. I know that a living language, which English is, changes or it dies. We introduce new ways to deal with grammar and style problems all the time, and sometimes they fly, sometimes they don't.

But please, if you are writing something for me, USE a perfectly good verb. Don't try too hard to sound smart, because generally, you're going to screw it up if your "util" isn't working correctly. :) And then, you'll just sound pretentious, and I'll whack you with a chair.